Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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