We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
