My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
