On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
