I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
