And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
