I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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