I want to make a zoo with you.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sorry my hands just texted you
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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