And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize