So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You're like the curious george of whores
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We are all done wearing pants today
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
