There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
