He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
not ubering you a puppy
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
