We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize