i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
