I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we made out on top of his cat.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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