so explain again why im purple
no
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
