My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
