just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
