im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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