Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
