I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
