She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
