Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
