I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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