If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
