Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
