I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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