I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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