i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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