My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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