Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
