Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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