This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
