I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
