Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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