no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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