just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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