Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
