my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
