Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We have started to decorate penises.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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