You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
