That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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