i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
