As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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