sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
