is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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