you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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