Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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