He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
