You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
