Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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