If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
