So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
