someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
