I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
