Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
