I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
the liver wants what the liver wants
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
