White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
