I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
