i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize