yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
