We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
