The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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