Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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