It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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