Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
