i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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