we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
