i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
