Betty ford says i'm here all night
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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