please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
