Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
