i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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