I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
