If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
