Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
