this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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