I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
