i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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