i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
