new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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