it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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