Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
