It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
im having a threesome with these popsicles
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
