I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
