whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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