I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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