no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
