shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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