is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
