Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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