If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
