u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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