Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
