Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
