Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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