I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
