Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is it penis luge time yet?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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