That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
