My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize