Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
