I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
