remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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