i love accidental penises.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize