I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
