You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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