Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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