In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
