News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize