I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
