Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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