dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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