when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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