any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
