whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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