I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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