i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
